61 History Jokes Which Are Older Than Your Pants!
Funny history jokes from the Beano for a brain-enhancing revision break!
Top tip: taking a 10-minute break from school work every hour will help you to focus and to absorb all of the information you’re taking in. Want more school-related jokes? We've got jokes about maths, English, science... and teachers!
For more comedy inspiration, check out the great joke generator!
Fun fact: The worlds oldest jokes is traced back to 1900BC. It turns out fart jokes were as funny back then as they are now!
Why did Henry VIII not need a brush?
He had no heir!
Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons?
Because they didn’t want to wait 40 years for a train!
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler!
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer!
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisssssstory!
What’s a mummy’s favourite type of music?
Wrap!
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one!
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside aplastic box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors!
Why didn’t the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Where would you find Hadrian’s Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What do you call a vegan Viking?
A Norvegan!
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics!
What was the most popular kids’ movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story!
Can I tell you where Napoleon Bonaparte comes from?
Of Corsican!
Where do baby Vikings hang out?
The Norsery!
What’s an Ancient Egyptian favourite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
What happened at the Boston Tea Party?
I don't know, I wasn't invited!
Why did King Arthur have a round table ?
So he couldn’t be cornered!
Who was the biggest thief in history?
Atlas, because he held up the entire world!
Why did Columbus cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide!
What was Camelot?
A place to park camels!
Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington’s army?
Laugh-ayette!
Why is England the wettest country?
Because Queen Elizabeth reigned there for years!
Why did the knight run around shouting for a can opener?
He had a bumble bee in his suit of armour!
How was the Roman Empire divided?
Using a pair of Caesars!
What was the most popular dance in America in 1776?
Indepen-dance!
What do history teachers talk about at parties?
The good old days!
What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?
They both have “The” as a middle name!
Why didn’t Socrates like his French fries?
Because they were cooked in Ancient Greece!
What kind of tea did the American colonists want?
Liber-tea!
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom!
Why is history class so hard?
Because the teacher asks about things that happened ages before you were born!
Who made King Arthur’s round table?
Sir Cumference!
What’s purple and about 5000 miles long?
The grape wall of China!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
It can’t sit down!
What was the greatest achievement of the early Romans?
Learning how to speak Latin!
If Anne Boleyn and Katherine Howard started a band, what would it be called?
Talking Heads!
Police arrested two people on Bonfire Night - one for stealing a car battery, the other for eating fireworks...
They charged one and let the other one off!
Archaeologists say Roman cement was stronger than it is now...
But we need to see some concrete evidence!
Who's an Egyptian archaeologist's favourite person?
Their mummy!
Are ancient Egyptians any good at building pyramids?
Up to a point!
Which day is the most romantic for Vikings?
Valhalla-ntine's day!
History warning: Where would you find a camel in Roman Britain?
Camulodunum
What potato can be found in the Roman Coliseum?
Gladi-tater!
A Roman walks into a cafe...
They hold up 2 fingers and say,"I'll have 5 coffees, please!
Why did the Pharaoh visit the dentist?
Because Egypt his tooth!
What mouse was a Roman Emperor?
Julius Cheeser!
What was the atmosphere like when the past, present and future walked into class?
Tense!
How did the Romans cut their hair?
With a pair of Caesars!
Why was 500AD to 900AD known as the Dark Ages?
Because those were the days of the knights!
In Great Britain, where are kings and queens crowned?
On the head!
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code!
How are feet like ancient stories?
They're leg-ends!
Why is the Pharaoh always boasting?
He Sphinx he's the best!
What do you call dogs who did up ancient artefacts?
Barkaeologists!
Why was the archaeologist sad?
His career was in ruins!
Why is history like a fruit cake?
It's full of dates!
