So you’ve spent the summer having a blast and causing mayhem and now it’s time to go back to school. It’s during times like these that we could all do with a chuckle. 

Want to make your mates laugh with some hilarious one-liners? Here’s a quick guide to gags and guffaws with what has been cunningly described as Beano’s Back to School Guide to Telling Jokes! 

1. Be Cool

First of all, the funniest jokes are ones that aren’t at anyone’s expense. Just be cool to everyone, because when no-one is left out of the joke – you’re absolutely bringing it for the entire crowd. Hence forevermore you’ll be the most beloved of students – the class comedian. 

2. Setup and punchline

Every joke is essentially made up of two components – a setup and a punchline. If you’re telling a joke, the buildup to the funny bit is the setup, and the punchline is the funny bit at the end. For example-

Setup: What did the calculator say to the other calculator?

Punchline: You can count on me!

Sometimes it can be a joke you’re telling, sometimes other people might accidentally provide the setup. If your teacher gives you a setup by asking “are you planning on going into higher education?”

You come in with the punchline “No, I haven’t got a ladder.” Bam! Thanks folks, goodnight. *mic drop*

3. Deliver it like a pro

If you’re telling a joke – no matter what you say, you need to deliver it clearly and with confidence. Take your time, think it through first and don’t rush it. Again, think it through. If it’s mean, don’t tell it. 

4.  Pick Your Moments

Don’t crack a joke when the time isn’t right. Before you make a gag, think to yourself ‘Is this a good time?’ and ‘Is this a good place?’ such as…

5. On the school bus

The school bus is the perfect location for jokes. It’s either the beginning of the day and people need to start the day with a smile, or it’s the end of the day and they’re relieved and ready for rib-ticklers. Either way, you’ve got your audience. Try out a bus joke, such as;

‘I was going to be a bus driver, but I don’t like people talking behind my back’ or if you’re on the train, bust out the classic ‘Ticket inspectors eh… you’ve got to hand it to them!’

If you can involve a fart gag in any way, then pop it in (or pop it out, as it were.)

6. There’s opportunities for jokes everywhere

Everywhere you look there’s a joke to be made. Got a dictionary? Sit on it and say it’s to give you ‘smartie pants’.  You fell over? Make a joke out of it by saying you went on a class trip. There’s a joke around every corner. And there’s often a fart joke right in front of your face (as it were). Go with the hits.  

7. Give yourself a joke

Jokes don’t always have to be verbal, nor do they always have to be for the benefit of others – give yourself some chuckles by writing ‘you’re being watched’ on 3 or four pieces of paper and secretly sneak them into your pal’s pockets, then watch as everyone becomes paranoid.

Or for something less sinister, simply write ‘I know you’ve farted.’ Classic.

8.  Sarcasm is great

Some people will tell you that sarcasm is the lowest form of humour. Well if T-Pain taught us anything (and he didn’t) – it’s that ‘shorty’ didn’t get ‘low’ on the dance floor for no reason. It’s great down there. Sarcasm is fun if used inventively – for example if someone points at your pencil case and asks “New pencil case?” 

just reply with “No it’s my snake’s sleeping bag.” 

9. In the playground

Relieve the boredom by singing stupid songs. e.g.; ‘I like history, I like science, I like to dance with a kitchen appliance.’ 

If you can get a lyric about farting in there (eg; ‘I like maths, I like art, I like the whiff of my own fart’) then you’re golden. 

10. Have Fun!

Remember, making jokes is supposed to be fun and light-hearted, so only makes jokes that you enjoy too. Also keep in mind a good class clown knows how to listen and enjoy other people’s jokes. And again, we cannot stress enough the comedic value of farting. Methane, or ‘CH₄’ is the compound element of comedy. When a fart happens, nature holds it’s breath – as does most of the class. So go forth, and make mirth!