Let’s get one thing out of the way before begin my story: I love school more than anyone else in my class and Teacher knows this. I’m definitely his star pupil and it has nothing to do with the fact I look a little like him.

I always do well in each of my lessons. In fact, I’m so bright the rest of the class should wear sunglasses. Ahem. But as we all know, everyone knows you’re not allowed to wear sunglasses in class. They’re for rowdy, rule-breaking rock stars and people on summer holiday. 

When I’m not doing my work correctly, neatly and in good time, I see myself as a sort of deputy teacher. If anyone misbehaves behind Teacher’s back, he can always count on me to inform him immediately. 

I think good behaviour is one of the most important things in school. I also believe that you should wear the correct uniform when attending school. I don’t remember seeing any letters from school saying it was perfectly fine to wear a jumper with a pirate skull on the front. I’m not naming names, but I’m definitely saying that it’s Danny Morgan. 

My list of achievements is long, but I’m sure you knew that already. Why wouldn’t anyone not want to stay in during the summer holidays and do extra homework?

Here’s an amusing story. I once won face-pulling competition which I didn’t even enter! Wilfrid stood on my toe, I made a face and I was presented with a small trophy. It’s on display on my bookshelf of achievements of course, but it’s turned back to front so any visitors don’t see what it was for. I say it was for solving maths equations quicker than anyone else.

I believe some people are listing their heroes in this section. Mine is, and always will be, Teacher. 

If you wish to know more about me, you can read more facts below. I must study now…

Cuthbert Cringeworthy Fact File

Name: Cuthbert Cringeworthy

Age: 9

Best friend: Teacher

Worst enemy: Anyone who’s misbehaving or not listening, or just making Teacher’s life a lot harder than it jolly well needs to be!

Prized possession: A framed photograph of Teacher which hangs above his desk at home.

Motto: ‘Shush! Teacher’s talking!’

Super skill: Pointing out that other kids in the class are misbehaving

Fact: Cuthbert’s favourite subject is… Teacher!