Oi, what are you looking at?

Alright, I’ll tell you. My name is Cruncher Kerr and I’m feared by all at Bash Street School, probably.

I do what I like and I don’t care what anyone thinks. People say I’m a bully and that’s up to them. I’m just a tough kid and who gets what he wants. I’m king of the playground.

I’m the toughest person in Beanotown and use that to my advantage. 

If I’m on the beach, right, and see a lovely sandcastle that’s obviously taken ages to build, I go up to it for a closer inspection – then I kick it to bits. I don’t like anyone’s sandcastle unless it’s mine. No-one can build a sandcastle unless I say so. Got a problem with that?

When it’s too hot in the summer, I ‘suggest’ people hand over their ice creams (before they’ve started eating them obviously, because that would be disgusting) and ‘lend’ me their cap. They might get it back, but it depends on what sort of mood I’m in that day. I’m normally annoyed about something. 

In the winter, and I’ve forgotten my hat and scarf, I find the nearest kid and make them hand theirs over. I need them more than them, right? A cold winter’s day will toughen them up, that’s for sure. If anyone tells you that Roger Dawson once used his scarf and a slingshot and hit me with snowballs then tricked me onto spinning around really fast on a roundabout, it’s not true and definitely didn’t happen. Alright?

I’m normally annoyed because of him. He thinks he’s so smart, getting out of stuff all the time. One day, he won’t outsmart me and I’ll have the last laugh.

I don’t laugh much, but when I do, I go like this… ‘Hur-huh-huh’. It’s how tough people laugh, isn’t it?

Hur-huh-hurgh!

Cruncher Kerr Fact File

Names: Cruncher Kerr

Age: 10

Birthday: When I say it is, so you’d better have a present

Best friend: I don’t need best friends

Worst enemy: Minnie and Roger

Prized possessions: What have you got?

Motto: Cruncher by name, cruncher by nature

Super skill: Getting what I want, whenever I want it

Family: Mum and dad

Address: Why, are you going to tell my mum and dad I did something wrong?

Fact: I quite like Roger and Minnie but don’t tell them that