Hello, I’m Diane and I’m Betty’s mum. When I’m not preparing Betty’s lunch or playing games with her after school, you’ll probably find me in my carpentry workshop at the bottom of our garden. I spent long hours in there making all kinds of things from wood. 

I find myself using my carpentry skills to do repairs for things Betty has seemed to have broken around the house. I don’t know how she does it because she’s small and it’s like a big monster has been jumping around the house sometimes.

I don’t know whether it’s because she’s been clumsy or unusually strong for a little girl, these constant repairs have really improved my carpentry skills. I’ve learned so much since the house started being damaged mysteriously. I prefer to use pine and cedar as they’re easy to work with and pretty tough. If I used balsa wood, I may as well repair things with a sheet of paper. It wouldn’t never last.

Here’s a question for any parents reading who have a daughter, or any brothers or sisters: is it usual for a little girl to snore so loudly? Or maybe fart like a tractor starting its engine on a cold winter morning? I only ask because when Betty says she’s going for a nap, I’ll hear loud snoring and a trumpeting sound soon after. It might be all the food she takes up to her room. Piles of sandwiches and cakes. I don’t know how she manages to eat it all.

I was giving her room a tidy the other day and found her little unicorn plush toy. It’s very loved by the looks of it, but it smells like a bear has been cuddling it at night. I might pop it in the wash.

I’d better go – I’ve just heard a loud crash from upstairs! I wonder what Betty has broken now?

Diane Fact File

Names: Diane

Age: 35

Birthday: November 24

Best friend: Jack and Betty

Worst enemy: I don’t have one

Prized possessions: My carpentry tools

Motto: ‘Who’s eating all of our food?’

Super skill: Creating cool furniture

Family: Jack and Betty

Address: 28 Gasworks Road, Beanotown

Fact: I once built a massive cabinet in 30 minutes