152 of the Best Food Jokes Ever Cooked Up!

Where do monkeys go to get their fast food?

Burger Kong!

What's a skeleton's favourite food?

Spare ribs!

Why are mushrooms invited to parties?

Because they are such fungis!

What do you get if you cross a dog with a vegetable?

A Broc-collie!

What vegetables do sailors hate?

Leeks!

Why do potatoes make good detectives?

Because they keep their eyes peeled!

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot!

What do you call a potato with right angles?

A square root!

What do you call a pogo stick made of veg?

A spring onion!

What day of the week do potatoes hate the most?

Fry-day!

What do you say to a loud vegetable?

Turnip down!

What do you call a stolen yam?

A hot potato!

What's small, round, and giggles a lot?

A tickled onion!

Where do chickens grow?

On eggplants!

How did the banana wear her hair?

In bunches!

Why do fungi have to pay double bus fares?

Because they take up too mushroom!

What is the fastest vegetable?

A runner bean!

Why did the Tomato go out with a prune?

Because he couldn’t find a date!

What was the snowman doing in the vegetable patch?

Picking his nose!

What vegetable is only slightly cool?

A Rad-ish!

How do you turn soup into gold?

Just add 14 carrots!

What's green and goes to a summer camp?

A Brussels Scout!

Vegetable puns make me feel good.

From my head tomatoes!

What do you call a goat that works in a chip shop?

A battering ram!

What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?

A coconut on its summer holiday!

Why did the baby strawberry cry?

Because its Mum was in a jam!

Why did the pancake get arrested?

It had committed multiple unwaffle actions!

When does bread rise?

When you yeast expect it!

Why did bread break up with margerine?

For a butter love!

How does a train eat?

Chew chew!

Have you heard about the new restaurant called karma?

There's no menu, you just get what you deserve!

What's the best thing to put into a Christmas cake?

Your teeth!

What happens after you rub ketchup in your eyes?

You feel silly in Heinz sight!

What does a duck that's made of avocado say?

Guac!

What's white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?

A hot frog!

What is a nuclear physicist's favourite meal?

Fission chips!

Why is a bear big, brown and hairy?

Because if it was small, smooth and white... it would be an egg!

What is a turkey’s favourite dessert?

Peach gobbler!

Why does Mary Poppins' umberella fly?

Because it can't walk!

If you have a referee in rugby, what do you have in bowls?

Soup!

What do iPhones eat for breakfast?

Siri-al!

Why do footballers struggle to eat sandwiches?

They think they can't use their hands!

What does Dr Who eat with their pizza?

Dalek bread!

Why did Snow White hate the evil queen?

Because she was a bad apple!

What do you give a sausage dog with a fever?

Mustard - it's the best thing for a hot dog!

A friend told me that all apples are yellow...

I told him, 'that's bananas!'

What's yellow and goes bzzz?

An electric lemon!

What did the banana say to the monkey?

Nothing, bananas can't talk!

What do you call a shoe that's made out of banana?

A slipper!

What type of food is a duck and mole put together?

Quackamole!

Did you hear the rumour about butter?

Well, I’m not going to spread it!

Why does Captain Hook eat ready meals?

Because he can never get to a Pan!

Where do you learn to make ice cream?

Sundae school!

What is a Creeper's favourite food?

Sssssalad!

What's the best salad to serve on Guy Fawkes' Night?

Rocket!

How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them!

Why did the banana go to the hospital?

It wasn't peeling well!

What's the best kind of cheese to use to disguise a small horse?

Mascarpone!

What's the saddest type of cheese?

Blue cheese!

What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Hallou-mi!

What kind of music does cheese listen to?

R'n'Brie!

In tennis, what do you serve but never eat?

Tennis balls!

Waiter, what's your thumb doing on my steak?

I didn't want it to fall on the floor again…

Why do potatoes make great crime fighters?

Because they always keep their eyes peeled!

What did one cranberry say to another at Christmas?

Tis the season to be jelly!

Doctor, doctor! I’ve got a mince pie stuck up my nose!

What you need is some cream!

What's the best thing to put into a Christmas cake?

Your teeth!

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep pan, crisp and even!

Mum's spaghetti got in the Guinness Book of Records...

I hope she cleans the pages!

I'm writing a book about banana peels...

It's non-friction!

Do you want to hear a joke about pizza?

Never mind, it’s too cheesy!

Why did the onion need help?

It was in a pickle!

What's a dog’s favourite kind of pizza?

Pup-eroni!

Doctor, doctor! I've a strawberry stuck in my ear!

Don't worry, I've some cream for that!

Why did the bread go to the doctor?

It was feeling crummy!

This egg is bad!

Don't blame me, I only laid the table!

What’s yellow and sniffs?

A banana with a cold!

Did you hear about the salad race?

The lettuce was ahead and the tomato tried to ketchup!

Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?

It ran out of juice!

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a carrot!

Don't get yourself in a stew!

What do you give an injured fruit?

Lemon-aid!

What’s the difference between an orange and a walrus?

Give it a squeeze. If you don’t get orange juice, it’s a walrus!

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

He wasn't peeling well!

What did the egg say to the mixer?

I know when I'm beaten!

What does a clock do when it is hungry?

It goes back four seconds!

What’s angry and goes with custard?

Apple grumble!

Why is history like a fruit cake?

It's full of dates!

Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?

Because they peel!

What do you get when a dinosaur walks through a strawberry patch?

Strawberry jam!

What’s the fastest vegetable?

A runner bean!

How do monsters like their eggs?

Terri-fried!

What did the grape do when it was sat on?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Why did the tomato blush?

Because it saw the salad dressing!

What do you eat when you're cold and angry?

A brr-grr!

What’s the difference between teachers and sweets?

Kids like sweets!

What do you call alien eggs?

Eggstra-terrestrials!

Who was the scariest cake?

Attila the Bun!

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cow?

Roost beef!

What do you call a man with gravy and potatoes on his head?

Stew!

Doctor, doctor! I've gone all crumbly, like a cheese biscuit...

You're crackers!

Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillows?

He wanted to have sweet dreams!

What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

Nacho cheese!

What do you call a Triceratops with carrots in its ears?

Anything you like, it can't hear you!

What do cornflakes wear on their feet?

Kelloggs!

Why shouldn’t you tease egg whites?

They can't take a yolk!

What did one sausage say to the other?

You're the wurst!

Where do eggs go when they visit the USA?

New Yolk!

What do you call an adventurous egg?

An eggs-plorer!

How do clowns like their eggs cooked?

Funny side up!

Which footballer makes the best coffee?

Diego Costa!

Why did the strawberry cry?

It was in a jam!

When does coffee taste like mud?

When it's ground!

Who tells the funniest egg jokes?

Comedi-hens!

Which is the best day to cook bacon?

Fryday!

What do Noah and a tin can have in common?

They both preserve pears!

Which cheese is made backwards?

Edam!

What’s a Canadian’s favourite dessert?

Chocolate moose!

What kind of key opens a banana?

A monkey!

What do you call a mischievous egg?

A practical yolker!

What is the easiest way to make a banana split?

Cut it in half!

What do you do if you see a blue banana?

Try to cheer it up!

What do you call a pistachio on a spaceship?

An astro-nut!

Why did the T-rex eat raw meat?

Because its itty-bitty arms couldn't work the oven!

Why did the Easter egg hide?

It was a little chicken!

Where do tough chickens come from?

Hard-boiled eggs!

What happens when an egg hears a joke?

It cracks up!

What do you get if you cross a cheetah with a burger?

Fast food!

Why are bananas never lonely?

They hang around in bunches!

Why did the pie got to the dentist?

He needed a filling!

What is a sausage’s favourite kind of music?

Rock and sausage roll!

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

You can roast beef!

What does Santa eat for breakfast?

Mistle toast!

This turkey tastes like an old sofa...

Well, I thought you liked stuffing!

What do cavemen like on their chips?

Dinosauce!

What wobbles and flies?

A jelly-copter!

What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus?

The strawberry is red!

What is the best thing to put in a pie?

Your pearly whites!

What does salad say at church?

Lettuce pray!

Why shouldn’t you use paper plates?

They're tearable!

What’s the difference between an elephant and a biscuit?

You can't dip an elephant in your tea!

Why are fish and chip shops always full?

Because the fish fillet!

How do you make a sausage roll?

Push it down a hill!

What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel!

What vegetables should you never bring on a boat?

Leeks!

What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth ?

A peanut butter and Stegosaurus sandwich!

Which vegetables go best with jacket potatoes?

Button mushrooms!

What is yellow and clicks?

A ballpoint banana!

What kind of nut always has a cold?

A cashew!

What’s purple and hums?

A rotten plum!

How do you make the best gold soup?

Use 24 carrots!

What did one plate say to the other plate?

Dinner’s on me!